Editor's note: During a holiday season when children are wanting more electronic gifts than ever, Jude's up-to-the-minute look at Krampus seems appropriate. And yet, somehow, the part that starts with "keep tripping" is so "kids these days." It's a good combination.
Children, you don't have to be good
There's an app for that now
And coal is great for warming
your contemps into the Wii hours
You'll be a fiery hero!
They might even let you play a turn
If no one were naughty
I'd be but an oversized elf
Hauling sleighfuls of toys from the workshop or
Blowing red noses for glass ornaments
Your poor choices make me number two Yuletidings-bearer
For centuries running so if you please,
Keep tripping! Keep shoving! Keep lying and thieving!
Keep hitting! Keep biting! Keep underachieving!
Other kids have to worry all year
While your monkeys ain't stuck in no barrel
The naughty list is where it's at
"Because nice is just a social construct"
Jude Tulli loves and writes short and novel-length fairy tales. He has had work published in EC in the past. Jude lives in the Sonoran Desert with his beloved wife Trish and a small pride of housecats.